Dear Blogsters: I was about to announce the end of the blog (there are only two more scenes to Code Slingers!) when Joel asked:
“Did you tell the story about the initiation?”
“Whenever there was a new guy in the maintenance department at SROC, we made him go out for donuts.”
“We told him we only wanted the donuts from R Donuts on South Federal Highway. They were the best.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem like much of an initiation.”
“Yeah, but what we didn’t tell him was…”
The Sun Sentinel, November 27, 1985
FORT LAUDERDALE — There was little fuss on the outside and no tops on the waitresses on the inside as R Donuts opened this morning to a handful of customers on South Federal Highway.
Owner Andy Emery opened the front door on the city`s first topless donut shop a little after 6 a.m. There was only one customer in a crowd of 14 waiting for the controversial establishment to open; the other 13 were news reporters and camera crews.
Code Slingers the Musical
Act 3, Scene 1
Setting: Outside Sol’s office. Sol is talking to Alma and Krista Bell Bell.
They’ve asked for my head,
And now they’ve got it,
But, where ever I go, I will google you,
To bring you by my side, you’ll see!
This isn’t the end
Nor is it the beginning
Of our camaraderie!
ALMA and KRISTA BELL BELL to I Will Follow Him
We will google you,
Google you where ever you may go…etc.etc.
ENTER: Sawyer Banks (the lover with the brain)
Alma says you have a bone to pick with me.
I did but it doesn’t matter now.
I been thinking, boss,
I’ve been here four months now…
And no one codes better than me, you’d agree.
SAWYER, not getting the joke:
So, I need a title, not just a raise.
Yes, something very fitting like,
VP of Advanced Intelligent Thinking!
My group was responsible, after all,
for the Bailout Bank project.
SOL, aside to ALMA
A bloody f**king disaster!
Sure. What the f**k!
Titles are meaningless anyway.
Alma, take a memo.
I, Sol Malineaux, being of sound mind and endless fury,
Do name Sawyer Banks, VP of Advanced Intelligent Thinking.
Now, you’d better take this memo over to HR…
EXiT: Sawyer full of himself. After he leaves they all start to laugh!
Wait till he finds out Sol resigned,
The title means nothing,
Nothing at all.
A nerd who thinks a title
Will make him look more manly
To all the silly women
Who are simply eye candy,
Is really just a titled nerd
And there is nothing more absurd,
More absurd, more absurd
Than an over titled nerd!
ENTER: The CodeSlingers
MARCO, noting their merriment
What did we miss? We need to hear something funny.
We badly, badly need to hear something funny.
KRISTA BELL BELL
Sol has just named Sawyer Banks VP of Advanced – what was it, Alma?
Advanced Intelligent Thinking!
JP, laughing out loud:
Excellent. We need some Intelligent Thinkers!
Hey, if he gets to be a Vice President, so do I!
Hell yes! Why not?
Alma, take a memo.
I, Sol Malineaux hereby appoint
Marco Tate VP of… what do you want to be VP Marco?
Humm… I know! Garbled Corporate Visions!
My corporate vision generator,
Randomly spits lines,
From quarterly meetings,
and other acts divine,
into a meaningless string of drivel.
It is a must-have software program,
For VPs on the rise,
Who need to know how to speak,
as vaguely as can be,
to customers, stockholders and folks like you and me.
Excellent! Here’s to Garbled Corporate Visions!
SOL to ALMA:
Marco Tate – VP of Garbled Corporate Visions.
Write it down, Alma.
And make sure you get the title … just right!
You know how some VPs can be!
Oh yes, indeedee.
Leave his title off a memo or misspell his name,
A VP will scream and yell and drive you insane!
Will I heat your coffee? Yes sirree,
I’ll heat it up to two hundred and three!
Will I get your laundry? Yes sirree,
You can find it hanging on yonder tree!
That’s our sweet-faced Alma,
As dainty as can be,
Virtuous and saintly as
A person can be.
Don’t her ask to clean a whiteboard
Or to move your car,
She’s put you in your place,
No matter who you are.
THE CODE SLINGERS:
Some admins have more clout,
Then a CEO
If you don’t treat them right,
They’ll tell you where to go!
And that’s our little Alma,
As dainty as can be,
Virtuous and saintly
As a person can be.
Fare-thee-well, Slingers. I’ll be riding into the sunset now. Make sure to run those vermin out town!
No more Sol, no Sol at all
No more calls before dawn,
No more red-eyes to Taiwan,
No more fingers to the bone
Those days are gone.