Craig’s Excellent Adventures

This week a few vignettes from Craig (father of Rachel)

May 13 10:10 1992   getwet

This weekend I took Rachel and a friend to Great America.  We went on a log-down-a-waterfall ride.  The log holds five people, single file, so they put a young (eighteenish?) couple in front of me; the woman in front, then the guy, then me.  She kept leaning back to kiss him while he fondled her breasts, all a few inches from my twitching beard.  They exchanged first names (!) between liplocks.  After the log plunged down the waterfall and stopped, the young woman turned to me and asked:

“Did you get wet?”

Sep 3 14:58 1991  rachel.pork

Rachel:  I don’t want to eat veal because they kill a baby cow.

Craig:  Why not become a vegetarian? They don’t eat any meat.

Rachel:  You mean they don’t even eat bacon?  Who cares about pigs?  They’re fat and ugly.

Craig:  You may be fat and ugly some day.

Rachel:  They have weird noses.

Craig:  You may have a weird nose some day.

Rachel:  They’re PINK!

Apr 22 10:56  1992   thanks

It is with profound gratitude that I acknowledge the overwhelming response to my plea for contact on e-mail yesterday.

J offered a poignant coming-of-age vignette in which she reminisces about her expulsion from an entertainment establishment for transgressing the strict social mores of the late sixties.  Her “mermaid-dancing” must have indeed been a sight to behold, although she professes “I don’t remember much except that I wasn’t ashamed one bit.”  We believe you, J.

Carol, continuing her ouvre of contact sports cum ecdysiasm, chose to add the new dimension of the telephone medium to her “bodice ripper” piece.  The stark immediacy (“Whoops, I just lost another button!”) in this performance was experientially stunning – one could almost see and feel the rich tableau she described.  A real tour de force, Carol

Carla, in one of the more introspective pieces, included two of my personal favorite themes, petroleum-based fabrics and miscegenation.  Her touching solicitation of my approval (“How’s this, Craig”) brought a tear to my eye.

Once again, thank you all very much, and keep up the grand work.

Next week –   Layton and Wayne’s Excellent Adventure

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